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Hey Jen, There was a famous Australian author at my local café this morning. Their bestselling books have been turned into plays and movies. They are local and had obviously been sent by the family on the Saturday coffee and pastry run. To me, they looked tired, deeply tired. As they sat waiting at a table, texting away, I refrained from approaching them since I had a sense that they were profoundly relieved and eternally grateful for some time to feel unrecognizable, to escape from the constant accolades and interactions with fans and well-wishers on social media and at real live events. This person and I had swapped books a few years ago and had had a lovely interaction, but my way of giving to them this morning was by not demanding they work in a social interaction. My way of showing loving kindness was to let them be – to give them some space. Love can be expressed in so many ways. At the moment, my grandson doesn’t know who on Earth is feeding him milk, changing his nappies and keeping him clean, warm and comfortable. He doesn’t yet have the capacity to love the people who are making sure all his needs are met. He doesn’t know their names nor the relationship he has to his parents. He has no idea of the lack of quality sleep or the exhaustion they feel much of the time, especially his mother. And yet, there are no demands placed on him to be anyone apart from who he is – a baby. This is love. |
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Similarly, an elderly relative with dementia is also being cared for by the family. She doesn’t quite know who the people are who are caring for her. She just feels the benefits of being safe, clean and fed. The roles have been reversed. The parent who catered to the every whim of her babies sixty plus years ago, is now being cared for in the same way by the adult children. Once again, there are no expectations being placed upon this person to behave in any particular way other than who she is – a parent who is adored and sadly suffering from the effects of dementia. This is love. |
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Looking at these three examples in my life – the famous author who craves a bit of anonymity, the dependent baby and the sick elder, I’ve come to the conclusion that in my everyday relationships with others, one of the most beneficial ways I might show love to another is by cutting them some slack – by decreasing the expectations I have of them, by not forcing them to play a particular role or to live up to my standards. What if I could simply delight in their expression of life. What if I could be quietly grateful for their unique contribution to humanity. What if I could give that same gift to myself. What if that was enough. Best wishes, Jen 😊 |
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