Hey you!
Yesterday was the celebration of International Women’s Day. It’s a day where we remember with gratitude the struggles and triumphs of those gone before us, as well as the continual current oppression of our human sisters in places like Afghanistan, and perhaps closer to home.
And yet, not so fast. I recently returned from a fabulous holiday in Bali. During the flight there, I was fortunate to see a movie which has left an indelible imprint on my mind. I can’t shake it because it was so hauntingly true in shining a light on our patriarchal system. Even in the Western world, there are societal beliefs so deeply ingrained in our psyche, we may not think to question them. This movie, however, goes right to the heart of these damaging beliefs and rips them to pieces.
The name of the movie is Promising Young Woman. I truly believe that all students in year 11 at high school should watch it. Why? Because of the movie’s important message about middle class white males not being held accountable for acts carried out in their youth – almost as if it’s their rite of passage. Take a look at the movie and tell me what you think.
Speaking of unforgiveable acts, our reaction to others’ behaviour so often depends on how it personally affects us. Take this recent personal example:
My husband and I were advised to put all our jewellery, hats, phones and glasses away in our bags before we entered the Uluwatu Temple in western Bali. This wasn’t to appease the gods, but rather to avoid tempting the aggressive monkeys who freely roamed the temple grounds. The first hour or so went well with no incidences, but as we became more relaxed, quietly sitting on a wall waiting for the sunset, a monkey snuck up behind JL and ripped the glasses from his face. Everybody around us got up screaming and moved away. As the monkey sat smugly and audibly crunched on the arms of the glasses as if they were tasty carrot sticks, other people looked on in delight – commenting, laughing and taking videos and photos. The monkey tried on the glasses for size and well, if those $600 spectacles hadn’t belonged to my nearest and dearest, I would have found the whole thing slightly amusing too. There’s probably a video out there right now on TikTok.
Now, here’s the thing – when something unfortunate or tragic happens to a stranger – someone we are not emotionally attached to, it becomes trickier to directly empathize with their pain. We don’t feel it like a kick in the guts as we do when somebody we are attached to dies or experiences a trauma. It didn’t even occur to me to take a photo or video of the bespectacled monkey because I was in such emotional agony on behalf of my husband. Nobody else had had glasses they depended on for seeing ripped off their face by a monkey. Nobody else was wondering how they would be able to enjoy the rest of their holiday unable to see the delights of Bali. Nobody else was worried about the headaches they might get from not wearing the glasses. The list goes on …. In stating that, kudos to the young Indian guy who tried to distract the monkey using his colourful beads before the keeper arrived and threw the monkey some food so that he let go of the glasses, lenses still intact I’m relieved to say.
In many ways the scene that unfolded that day in Uluwatu was not unlike the issues raised in the movie, Promising Young Woman. When unpleasant, horrible things happen to other people or other people’s friends and family members, it’s easy for us to carry on as if nothing has happened. We may get a momentary pang of emotional discomfort or guilt, but it soon passes, and we go on our merry way. We can’t take on all the burdens of humanity, but we can consciously practice compassion so that it more naturally arises in the mind.
So, everything in life is a lesson. Perhaps I have just a little more empathy than I did a week ago.
Best wishes,
Jen
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